The wedding is only two months away, and the couple is meeting with the pastor to talk about their wedding. During their pre-marriage counseling, the pastor talked about Jesus statement in Matthew 19:6 where he said about marriage, “they are no longer two, but one.” When they heard this, they nodded their head in polite agreement. Now they’re discussing the unity candle, and the couple is telling the pastor that after lighting it, they don’t want to blow out their own candles. He tells him that the symbolism indicates becoming one, but they explain to him that in their understanding of marriage, they each want to preserve their own separate identity. Like many who profess to be believers, they can’t imagine how the Bible could apply to modern society.
Fast forward five years, and the husband still thinks it’s OK to spend most of his free time with his buddies, living like he’s single. He complains to his friends how clingy and demanding his wife is. After all, doesn’t she understand that he needs to have his own life, too? He didn’t agree with Jesus about “two becoming one,” and so he sees his wife as separate from him. The Bible says he should love his wife as Christ loved the church, but he’s never given much thought to that. We’re individuals, he reasons, and she just needs to be strong enough to stand on her own.
As for his wife, she didn’t agree with the “two becoming one” statement of Jesus, and so (surprise, surprise) she also disagrees with the “wives, submit to your husbands” command. She’s pretty sure that if she can just shape him to be what she wants, she’ll be happy. The more she tries, the more she pushes him away toward his friends.
Their problem is not that they need to take a second honeymoon, learn to communicate better, go on a date once a week, or attend a marriage seminar. The problem is with their core beliefs about marriage, which are shaped almost exclusively by the culture and by their own ignorance. They have rejected the Bible’s essential teaching about oneness in marriage. Until that changes, they won’t have a strong enough foundation to build a healthy marriage.
